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Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself
Richard David Bach

Sufferers of OCD tend to have feelings of over responsibility and many suffer from a form of OCD referred to as religious/ scrupulosity OCD. This manifestation of OCD concerns moral, ethical and religious issues the rights and wrongs in any situation or action. However it does not always involve the religious aspects although in my own personal experiences religious obsessions play a role albeit at the time of writing not such an obvious one as was once the case. Moreover such considerations and obsessive compulsive behaviours involve only certain areas of each sufferers life; according to the perspective of the sufferer concerning his or her own personal code of moral conduct, which regardless of the variations between sufferers is always greatly exaggerated and exceeds normal standards of consideration.

For now in this article I will discuss only the aspects of religious/ scrupulosity OCD known as hyper-morality and hyper or over responsibility. I will comment upon the religious aspect in a separate article in due course although there is of course a connection between religion and scrupulosity but not always. Religion is not the sole motivation for scrupulous behaviour and conversely religious adherence does not necessarily make one a scrupulous person. Now if you have OCD you will know precisely to what I refer. Also if you are a sufferer of OCD you know how miserable such feelings can be and how guilty and anxious such thoughts can make you as oftentimes you find yourself embroiled in worrying about matters which are not your responsibility and which are often out of your control. There is for many OCD sufferers including myself much fear if we shirk obligations or situations which bring about such heightened feelings of responsibility: One of these anxieties presents as a fear that something bad or unlucky will occur to us if we neglect to comply with such feelings of responsibility, which are often over the top. Another concern of course is more straight forward and that is a genuine concern that harm will come to others. However such concerns are often exaggerated and fears of harm occurring are often greatly over emphasised or may not even exist at all. Furthermore feelings of guilt may play a significant role as often sufferers of OCD experience such feelings profoundly tending to be oversensitive or hyper guilty if you like.

A personal example of such over responsibility is a situation that occurs when I am out. It is not the problem it once was because I never go out unaccompanied; having the company of my husband makes me perhaps less inclined to carry out such, sometimes dangerous, compulsions borne of such hyper responsibility, however not always as you will see. If I see broken glass on the pavement or on the road I think it is my responsibility to pick it up; perhaps a child might fall and cut his or herself, the cut may become septic and he or she might die; a dog might get glass in its paws and it also may die from infection; if the glass is in the road a car might get it caught up in it’s tyres and there might be a crash. If such dire events occur than it would be my fault for not picking up the glass - at least according to the logic of my OCD mind.

I recall some years ago now when such anxieties were at their height that any time I saw glass on the pavement or the road I would pick it up. Yes it was embarrassing and it was on some occasions dangerous. I recall one particular incident on a hot and sunny day in mid summer. I was tired and depressed, my husband, son and I had been to the beach, a difficult place for me to be because of my OCD and I was grateful to be retuning home. As we were travelling along a major A road I saw fragments of glass all over the road, some of the fragments were quite large. Often irresponsible people simply throw bottles out of the window, shocking I know but it is a sad fact of life such awful things occur and as sufferers of OCD these acts of wonton irresponsibility seem to us utterly incomprehensible. Whatever the cause for the shattered glass I was very worried should it cause an accident. Now this was a very busy road and although the glass was mostly to the side of the road and it would be unlikely I would be hit by passing traffic, it would nonetheless be dangerous if a vehicle veered off track for some reason as happens from time to time. It was right near a traffic roundabout and was therefore a very busy junction. My husband was not keen to stop at all and insisted we drive on. After some miles I could not bear the torture of intrusive thoughts and dreadful scenarios of tragic accidents and harm coming to others and also indirectly to myself and my family in the manner already described above. So we turned back and I rushed in between passing cars and picked up the larger shards but could not pick it all up. I worried the next day still anxious unable to rid myself of the torment of worrying thoughts that I had not been thorough enough and glass remained and was a danger to others. I was on the verge of telephoning the police but fortunately that day my therapist was due to visit me and she counselled me through this. I was fortunate that time but other times I have to confront many such dilemmas without such support. This is just an example, there are many others and many different situations.

Another example of OCD feelings of over responsibility is my exaggerated concern over the food in the supermarket. If I notice food is out of date, or that the packaging is damaged or even a fly has settled on exposed food I have to tell an assistant and I became anxious if I do not. In extreme cases I will buy the offending product and throw it away. The list of perceived responsibilities is as you can imagine virtually endless and becomes like all my OCD interwoven into other types of OCD and it can become very complex.

The same situation arises with scrupulosity it can be very stressful indeed to feel so over conscience ridden about every tiny misdemeanour, and indeed it can be most embarrassing to, for instance, go back to the shop with a small mount of money given to you in your change by accident. The look of amazement you are often met with can be really uncomfortable and often the thought of having to confront such situations in order to comply with ones fears of being dishonest can in itself be anxiety provoking and you are in a kind of catch twenty two situation. Whatever action you take it may course anxiety. Such fears concerning honesty and other scrupulosity matters are mostly of a superstitious nature. Often we feel we have to be meticulously honest fearing that there may be dire consequences of punishment or some divine or karmic retribution either for ourselves or for a loved if we are not : when I was child I feared going to hell, now I fear tragedy occurring to myself or someone I care about. Or we may simply experience some great unease or extreme anxiety for reasons not clearly defined. In addition we may also be overly concerned about the harm that inevitably comes upon others by consequence of dishonest or unscrupulous actions. Bear in mind here that we are not referring to major crimes just silly little dishonesties as for instance not returning change when we have been given too much, pointing out to the assistant if we have been undercharged even by only pennies and so on, trifling matters of which others would not give much if any concern. An instance today in the supermarket is typical. A girl is handing our samples of a new brand of low fat of Soya milk. She asks if I would like a 50 pence coupon which she hands to me. I notice that instead of giving me only one there are in fact two, I hesitate to mention this because of the look of astonishment I will receive and the consequencet embarrassment I will experience. However I feel very uncomfortable that I did not return the extra coupon but to mitigate this I tell myself I will only use the one. On this occasion the anxiety was relatively mild unlike another situation when I bought vitamins from the local chemist which when I arrived home I noticed were cheaper than usual. The larger sizes where on offer but I had not noticed if this was the case with the smaller size. I worried that I had been inadvertently undercharged, if I had and did not return to put this matter right I would feel as though I had been dishonest. Yet I felt really silly to have to go back and make this query they would think I was crazy. My social interaction difficulties make such an even more anxiety provoking ordeal and I put it off most of the afternoon. But I could not cope when the torment came and the “voice” of OCD became increasingly more insistent with its negative thoughts of the possibility of unfavourable circumstances arising from this situation and exaggerated feeling of guilt, despite the fact I really did not know for sure that the pills had been accidentally sold to me to cheaply. After a couple of hours of such torment I rushed to the chemist heart pounding, anxious to get this over with and free myself from the torment. The pills were indeed on offer, the assistant as predicted was astonished but remarked what a refreshing change it was to find such an honest and concerned person.

Other than making life difficult there are many problems which may result from being over scrupulous and over responsible. Often concerning our universal feelings of responsibility we are often simply unable because of our own illness to respond to the dictates of such feelings and as a consequence we my become fearful or guilt ridden and we can become also rather resentful, frustrated and angry. Also there are circumstances where OCDers can be taken advantage of, for instance in situations were we feel it is our responsibility to help others. For some normal people when faced with similar situations such feelings would not arise particularly if helping others is of detriment to themselves. Many people are desperate for help in one way or another and without meaning to may well take advantage of a person who considers that it is his or her responsibility to help under any circumstances. Often when we hear of an unfortunate or tragic circumstance the thought immediately springs to mind: what I can I do to help? We often feel compelled to do something, anything! Often you can do nothing much at all, and it does have to be said that in many circumstances it is really not your place to do so either as you cannot ease the pain of the entire world or even your entire neighbourhood or your family. Many sad circumstances are beyond our means to control or even alleviate and we should not torture ourselves with guilt or recrimination. But as OCD sufferers we do, don't we. Not all of us mind, it depends on your type of OCD but I have found in my own personal experience that most of the other OCDers I have met over the years take our perceived responsibilities to excess levels and go the extra mile or rather the extra thousand miles.

The biggest problem with over responsibility in my experience occurs when we feel it is our responsibility to help others even though it is of detriment to ourselves. For instance we might be too ill. However notwithstanding such considerations that the normal person would take into account we continue to feel that this or that is our responsibility and we are often tortured with thoughts as those described above and become anxious concerning the possible dire consequence of ignoring our “responsibilities”.

Moreover we would in all situations concerning over responsibility be tortured with guilt. You cannot imagine what it is like if you do not have OCD; the torment of profound and overwhelming guilt for all manner of inconsequential events and actions is utterly overwhelming and a torment of misery not easy to describe. Last Sunday afternoon the phone rang I was watching one of my favourite TV programmes, furthermore because I do not like speaking on the phone at the best of times I have decided not to answer the phone after lunchtime on Sunday wanting a bit of peace from the clamour of the world, so I let it ring assuming that whoever was telephoning would leave a message and I would ring him or her back if it was important. Well it rang and rang until the answering machine came on and the caller left no message or phone number. What made matters worse was the fact that I was expecting a call from someone I knew to be ill who should have rang a few days earlier to let me know if all was well. But I have no phone number for this person - it is a long complicated story concerning a befriender, a person from a voluntary charitable concern which send out volunteers to visit people who suffer with mental health problems, and she was not permitted to divulge her personal phone number - and she had not rang me so now I worried that it may have been her on the phone. I felt so guilty you cannot imagine. It ruined my afternoon and I obsessed about it for hours nearly driving my husband and son crazy going over and over “I wander if was Emily, I feel just awful” well you know what it is like we rehash such situations wishing we had done otherwise worrying about the consequences of our action even though nothing can be changed.

The problem however raises from time to time when one must ask oneself: are the feelings of responsibly I am feeling at present a manifestation of my OCD, are these feelings appropriate. This dilemma adds to the mix of misery and indecision and you often do not know what course of action to take and if it is even appropriate to do so. Furthermore others such as family members knowing you suffer from over responsibility will often insist that in every such situation which arises that you are over reacting and that this or the other is not your responsibility. And sometimes it is difficult to know which is which, you lose the ability to know what normal feelings are in such situations. Moreover you get ridiculed and accused of obsessing even though in some cases you may actually be reacting in a normal way if you are a caring person. It is always a matter of perspective and as long as you react to a situation from concern for another and not from fear and anxiety because you’ re tormented with dreadful scenarios of dire consequences you are doing the right thing as long as it is not of detriment to yourself. But the problem still arises: is it your responsibly? Yes normal people, non OCDers can make such distinctions but such is not always possible for the OCD sufferer who after years of suffering really does not know what is appropriate and what is not, what thoughts and actions are motivated by normal concerns and compassion for others and what are motivated by OCD.

There have been many such dilemmas in my life here is another of them.

Recently there was a power cut, this was about the forth time in a month - but that is another story for another time perhaps. It was about 7 pm and it was getting dark and after ringing the electricity company we were told that the power would most likely be off until 8.30 by that time it would be quite dark, anyone without a candle would be in complete darkness. We fortunately had plenty of candles, but did our neighbours? Some of them were elderly and the younger ones...... well it is not the sort of thing young people tend to think about getting in candles in in case of a power cut. Did my neighbour who suffered from depression have any candles, if not how would he cope in the dark.? My son said: “stop obsessing it is not your problem I can tell you’ re obsessing sitting there thinking about which neighbours are not likely to have any candles, you cannot go from house to house asking if everyone has candles“. Yes I could see his logic up to a point but surely if one has more than enough candles and your neighbours do not have any than surely enquiring if they would like some is not obsessing, being over scrupulous or over responsible is it - or is it? I actually have no idea. I sat thinking about my neighbours feeling guilty and anxious. Yes I guess that part of it is the OCD, the tendency to feel over responsible and feeling the necessity to do the right thing because of perceived possible dire consequences not to mention the torment of guilt which is most certainly OCD induced. But that does not necessarily mean that on some occasions that it is inappropriate to take some action. So I got my husband to check if the neighbours had candles - due to social anxieties I could not do this myself.. The elderly couple across the street were most grateful for the candles, they had been sitting in the dark and would have done so for at least another hour and half! So maybe although the thoughts were OCD in nature, this action in this case was appropriate and not a display of over responsibility. Sometimes it is okay to help others if we can and we are not motivated by fear but it is difficult to know if it is appropriate and not a result of OCD over responsibility.

Such feelings of responsibility occur all the time and often I see it as my responsibility to do something and feelings of anxiety arise if I try to do nothing and a lot of the time now I am not sure what is really my responsibility and what is not.

Nonetheless despite such tendencies we should not be ashamed of our good nature. We should help others whenever we can do so as long as it is without detriment to ourselves and because there is a genuine need and we do so because we want to and not from feelings of fear. But even when such feelings turn up as they will - they are habitual almost as though they are programmed to come into play whenever the thought comes to help another - and you feel that perhaps you would take such responsibility or help another even if you were not beset with such awful worrying anxious thoughts, than perhaps it is appropriate to take responsibly on certain occasions. Just because we have OCD does not mean that every thing we do is inappropriate. Yes indeed it is not easy having OCD you do not know what deeds and actions are motivated for normal reasons and what are motivated by OCD.

Somehow we have to make our own decisions about when to take reasonability and when to help others. If you follow the advice of many people today you may end up losing your compassion and motivation to take on any responsibility at all for the welfare of others as is the case with a lot of people in this 'every man for himself society' where few people think that anything is their concern and others will sort it out. Everyone thinks someone else will come along and sort things out and take responsibility. A few months ago now while in the city near a road works I could smell gas, people passed by all afternoon. I worried but could not convince myself it was not my imagination as no one was taking any notice. Eventually one girl passed by and remarked to her companion that she hoped that no one would throw a cigarette down the hole. Well at least I knew that others could smell it. I worried and hesitated still unsure of myself, as we can become so uncertain of what is appropriate, and when it is difficult to know how one would behave if one were normal .But consider in some cases so called normal people do not necessarily do the right thing and often in such instances many people reply upon and assume others will take the initiative and in this instance telephone the gas company. When we returned home I rang the gas leaks emergency line and reported the smell of gas. I asked it anyone else had rang in to report it. No they had not was the reply.

So over responsibly is a very difficult area of OCD to contend with indeed and in my case for the most part impossible and sadly I tend to react in ways which may seem to many inappropriate and which make my life a misery by the burdens of responsibility which may not necessarily be mine. But who knows in some ways it is matter of perspective but for the OCDer it is difficult for him or her to find such a perspective free from the distortion of OCD.

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