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Blog Roll
Blog
Roll disclaimer*
Links
to recommended blogs:
OCD
Wiping The Crazy Off My Face
Incertus - The Weblog of Doubt
and Other Disorders
There is a diary included as
part of the following website:
My Obsessively Clean
Den
Where Justin can be Justin
Agoraphobia:
Agoraphobic
English Guy
Downunder
Bipolar and OCD:
Gail's journal
New!
Disjointed Thoughts
Autism:
Donna Williams’ Blog
Ballastexistenz
A Blog from Another World
Attention Deficit disorder ADD:
Living with ADD
A personal selection of Interesting Blogs not
related to mental health or conditions of any kind:
The Action Blog:
Save an endangered species, protect human rights,
save a forest.
Gristmill: The environmental
news blog |
This blog is
part of
Grist Magazine's
website, a magazine dedicated to environmental
issues.
Positive Attitude Quotes, Free
Happy Positive Loving Messages, Popular
Motivativational sayings.
A good selection of
interesting quotations
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November 1st.
Today I had one of those moments when all of a sudden amidst the turmoil
of fear that is my life, just for an instant, I had that feeling that
everything is all right with the world and with me, a sudden positive
sensation, a brief moment of peace. Such feelings are so fleeting and
infrequent nevertheless no matter how ephemeral, they occur from time to
time. Such moments may be weeks, even months apart but they
are there indicating to me that deep down inside at a deep subconscious
level under all the layers of suffering, fear, anxiety and torment is
the potential to find real peace and that I and indeed everyone has the
potential to be permanently happy contented and fulfilled. However for
those with a mental illness finding this inner peace is an infinitely
more difficult task but I believe that the possibility is there
nonetheless and that underneath the surface of our suffering lies the
ability to experience a profound sense of peace and well being.
November 3rd.
Today was the first lesson of my computer course. Fearful as usual due
to social phobia I nonetheless made the effort. Web page design is
apparently the most difficult segment of the course and this is what I
have chosen. I want to make my website as good as possible and as
helpful to sufferers as is possible for me with my limited health and
experience. I had not of course told the instructor about this website
having learned from past experience that one tends to lose respect and
credibility if one suffers with a mental health problem. I am however in
the throes of constructing a website for my son who is hoping to try to
sell some of his artwork. The instructor was amazed at how well I had
made my son's website despite the fact I was self taught and had only
recourse to instruction from a manual. You have no idea how this boosted
my confidence and yes my ego! Not a bad thing as any positive event has
an effect upon my depression and consequently my OCD. He of course had
no idea how difficult this had been for me and how long it had taken or
the battle with headaches, depression and OCD that had thwarted my
progress. I may one day show him my OCD web site, I would like to of
course but it is not easy to share such things with people that I know
and will see frequently as in my experience their whole attitude
changes.
November 21st.
Today I had my first phone call from my pen pal in Australia, we have
been corresponding for over ten years. It was nice to talk for the first
time although it was a little stressful as she rang on a morning when I
was more depressed and stressed out than usual. I get these days when
the burden of depression hangs like a leaden weight over my heart, like
a sickness dragging one down to the depths of misery. No this is no
exaggeration the feeling is indeed most terrible, it is not a feeling
easy to describe to those who do not suffer from depression. It is as
though a weight bears me down; my chest feels tight; everything seems
hopeless, pointless and futile and I can barely think. It is though I
were walking through treacle as my movements become sluggish. I really
have no motivation or inclination to do anything, in fact if it were not
for my OCD I would probably curl up in a corner and let the world go by.
In fact this seems a luxury as driven by OCD I am not even allowed this
respite, brought low my depression I cannot indulge my misery but have
to comply with the dictates of this uncompromising illnesses and despite
the feeling of oppression I continue to be driven by my obsessions and
compulsions. Despite the fatigue and despondency I cannot give in and
let it pass just for today.
November 28th
Really consumed by a profound depression this morning and throughout the
day. I cannot update my website and furthermore I cannot get the web
host support people to understand the problem Mainly because I do no
feel that I can explain it properly and am faced with having to either
just abandon it and leave it to stagnate unmodified or having to delete
the files and upload it hoping that I can of course uploaded. If I do
this and it does not work out I am left with no website. Some would
think this inconsequential however like everything in life this is all a
matter of perspective. Just now I am exhausted with both physical and
mental maladies. I have worked for months on this website, a no mean
feat for someone as ill as myself and now to be defeated by the
perversity of technology and an inability to get technical support to
understand the problem let alone fix it!. I am not blaming them, people
I have noticed seem not to be able to function as they once did. Before
all this mind consuming technology people seemed to function better,
were less spaced out, less forgetful and more focused. It is my
observation and my experience that modern technology, particularly
concerning the use of computers, seems so draining and haggles and tires
the brain beyond what I feel is in general within the capabilities of
most average people who are not naturally computer geniuses or indeed
geniuses of any kind, which most certainly describes me. After all have
you ever come across anyone who fully understands the perverse working
of a computer and or its software .
Although I suffer with chronic depression it is not often that it
renders me feeling virtually incapable of moving or conceding defeat in
quite the way as it has today or rather yesterday, as of course I am
writing this the following day as depression had incapacitated me on
Sunday. I felt that I could barely move to drink a cup of tea prepared
by my husband preferring to instead lie encapsulated in a aura of
sickening despair. Yes often depression feels like a sickness, as I feel
weighed down with severe heaviness on my chest with feelings of profound
lethargy and sluggishness, a draining of all physical or mental
motivation. I could barely induce myself to climb the stairs to go to
bed. Usually my OCD at least insures that I am mobile but yesterday it
did not, as I lay there immobilised by despondency not even
obsessive-compulsive thoughts intrude to any degree - at least not the
type that would compel me to have to move. For obsessive thoughts never
leave one entirely alone but during severe depression, morbid and gloomy
ruminations rather than compulsions intruded adding their toll to my
downcast mood..
November 30th.
I have gradually become more resigned to the fact that this website is
never going to be perfect and the pleasure that I get from creating it
in an artistic sense will be greatly marred by technical malfunctions.
Such inaccuracies may probably be caused by my lack of expertise but not
always. Some of the imperfections however, such as missing links,
graphics, entire pages (and even links to older pages that have
supposedly been overwritten but still show up along with the updated
versions) are bizarre. After much investigation and obsessing
accompanied by tears of frustration and explosive bouts of anger I have
concluded that such imperfections are not of my doing and beyond my
ability to rectify. The artist Salvador Dali whose work I much admire
once said "Do not worry about being perfect .... you will never achieve
it."
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Disclaimer :
No responsibility is accepted for the content of external links
including blogs:
Concerning blogs : Although I have initially looked through the
recommended blogs in my blog roll I have not read every single entry and
have selected each on its overall merit: interesting regular entries .
However the comments and opinions of the respective blog owners do not
necessarily reflect my own opinions.
*
Contact
I will endeavour to reply to all e-mail, however please bear in mind
that I have a number of quite debilitating illnesses and there may be
times when there will be considerable delay. Also I will not
publish anyone's comments, as appears to be the procedure with
blogs, without permission of the author : If you would like me to
publish your comments please indicate clearly at the end of your e-mail.
All comments are welcome including polite constructive
criticism and difference of opinion. However I reserve the right not to
publish anything that I consider would be offensive or in any way of
detriment to anyone particularly those who sufferer with the illnesses
included on this web site.
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