September 2nd

How the spring and summer has flown by, I can't believe that we are approaching autumn. Yesterday there was a distinct autumnal feel and smell to the air. Not my favourite time of year, although the fresh autumn winds and the brilliant colours of the autumnal leaves add something a little positive to the approach of a time of year that most people tend to dread. Although I must add the fresh breezes can so easily turn to gales which although do not disturb me they distress a lot of people including a neighbour who will not go out if its windy. With the shortening of days, colder weather, dull overcast skies, that incidentally we have in any case grown weary of already as during August we have not seem much other than dull skies and rain, winter really isn't much to look forward to. We complain every year but there is nothing of course we can do to change the natural cycles of life and somehow when the clocks are altered we get on with it, albeit with some  complaint now and again when it does not get light until well after 8am and begins to get dark as early as 3.30 around December time.

Resent rises in utility bills of course add to the misery of most people this year, along with the rise of prices generally which I think is sometimes merely done to capitalize on a good excuse to increase the price of anything, on one product we noticed yesterday by 60 percent.

Our recent holiday seems now so long ago even though it was less than three weeks since we returned.

I hope this winter to emerge myself in the distraction of creating my new website, the main theme of which concerns the plight of farm animals and matters of interest relating to animals, and also to the renaming and redesign of this one. And for a while this will consume my time as it will take a while to write to everyone who has e-mailed me about my website and for other website owners who have included links to my website.

If all goes well the website will have the new name of ocd-plus and the url will be: www.ocd-plus.com  However until this is confirmed the name is by no means definite and I am waiting for such confirmation. As already mentioned in a previous entry other than the name change you will not notice any difference and the theme and purpose of my website remain the same and will be added to as usual. As already explained I have decided to change the name from oc-illnesses and creativity net to the present one as the new name is easier to remember and allows quicker access and entry into the search field. A fuller explanation may be found on the Home page. The new urls is www.ocd-plus.com

There should be no alteration to url to this blog.

I am not an expert in website creation and most certainly find it rather a mentally taxing and complex endeavour. Therefore things may go wrong so I hope that you will please bear with me, the old name and url www.ocd-illnesses-and creativity.net should continue to direct you to this website until November which I hope will give me time to iron out the kinks. I am told that all I have to do is upload my website as usual having been given a different set of publishing details. So hopefully all will go well although I am not holding my breath, as particularly where computers are concerned, things do not always work out according to plan.

September 4th

The weather today is appalling, it is not even autumn, at least not according to the Celtic calendar the Autumn Equinox until 22nd September. But by than it has turned chilly, however usually the first two weeks of September are warm. I recall when my son first went to school how hot it was at this time. But now things have changed and it seems that autumn begins earlier. 

We where out yesterday not having listened to the weather report not realising that a virtual monsoon was on the way. We never reached our destination and stopped off at Ripon. I had migraine and needed to lie down in the car for nearly an hour to take my medication. The rain lashed down, pounding on the roof, it was a nightmare. It began about 9 o'clock as we were making our way down the A1 towards Leeds.

It began to rain as it has done intermittently every day for the last month or so and we assumed that it would not amount to much, after all you have to make the best of it regardless of the weather or you would never do anything so we carried on. Also as I have mentioned before we find it difficult to change plans. I with my OCD fears of changing plans and for all three of us such a change in a schedule or routine really has us disoriented, indecisive and we tend to carry on regardless except when such becomes impossible as it eventually did yesterday. We should have of course turned back and in the extremes of weather that was experienced yesterday no sensible person should be making any journey that was not necessary. But we are not sensible people or at least we are not functional, rational, but than again who is. But people with mental health problems do find the day to day routines , set backs of life difficult to contend with. Any disruption can really have us stressed out and not know quite what to do.

Someone said to me the other day regarding my complaining about the utility bills that everyone is in the same boat. "Yes" I replied, "of course but some people are in a better financial position to ride it out". The same can be said of life's trails and tribulations. Yes a lot of people had their day disrupted in a far more serious way both here and in other parts of the world where there have been severe weather conditions recently resulting in serious injury, death and the loss of homes and livelihood and I cannot imagine how anyone copes with such disasters. So our complaining in comparison sounds lame but when you are in a constant sate of anxiety, stress, dread and at times outright fear you become increasingly more and more sensitive in a most exaggerated way to any disruption in your environment and routine.

I had felt so ill before leaving the house, aching all over and the headache which I woke with got worse as it began to rain more persistently and the sensible thing was to have turned round and gone home. But fear of changing plans made me reluctant to do so, as did guilt as I sometimes feel that I add an extra burden of anxiety to our trips out.

Sometimes though my mind is in such turmoil that in the end I do not know what to do . After the event of course the correct sensible course of action always seems clear and than you feel guilty and angry that at the time you could not follow a more rational decision. But rain can clear up and headaches can lift and returning home than would have seemed inappropriate and your mind than haunts you with the thought that you have given in once again to your anxiety. So you than feel guilty and  you feel you cannot win.

it was a stressful day. The return journey was scary, huge Lorries raced along oblivious to the appalling driving conditions  regardless of the amount of spray they produced which blurred the view of other motorists in already poor conditions of visibility. Some Lorries trundled along at a more sensible pace but sadly the majority did not.  Yes I am sensitive to any possible threat to our safely but quite honestly it seems that there is so little regard for others these days. I had once found journeys in the car to be relaxing. I recall when my hypochondria first become manifest, and my whole mind was absorbed by dread that I had this or that illness, that a trip out in the car soothed my nerves, the motion was calming and relaxing. Sadly much has changed.

September 7th

If you see this entry the transference of my website to the new domain has worked out okay. The urls is www.ocd-plus.com  The old domain will continue also until November but it would be better if you now access this website with the new url  The email address remains the same.  I have now a splitting headache so will leave it there for now. If there are any problems please let me know.

September 15th

Well the new name seems to be working out okay although of course I cannot be entirely certain until after October when the old domain ceases to function. I have written to most websites which have links to me informing them of the name change but as to date no one has contacted me to confirm they intend to change the links, so I guess I will have to wait and see. There is no rush but I would have felt less anxious if the respective website owners had contacted me to confirm me that they had at least received my request. Without the links from other websites no one is likely to find my website, as in the search engines, even after the new name is finally picked up by them, it is unlikely to be very highly placed in the rankings.  So I am feeling a little anxious about this but there is nothing much I can do other than request again if no reply is forthcoming after a  while, but that is all I can do. I can purchase the old domain again and keep it along side the new one, so links on other websites will continue to function but aside from the unnecessary expense it is in the long run confusing.

I would like to write to everyone who has sent me an e-mail from the beginning of my website's presence on the net, about four years now, but this is no easy matter and I doubt I have  everyone's e-mail. The only reason that I save most e-mail that is sent to me is due to my hoarding compulsion which of course presents here on my computer as it does in real time and deleting files brings about anxiety as does throwing a way a book, an ornament, or whatever.

Moreover I feel somewhat uncomfortable contacting people who have contacted me only once or twice and a long time ago, feeling that such might be considered as spamming. Also this is very time consuming and I am not well as is of course always the case with everything I suppose.

I will attempt to write to some of you, perhaps those I have been in contact with recently or regularly, everyone I have links to and anyone who has sent inclusions for the gallery and sufferers stories. Please accept my apologies If you feel that I have forgotten you, this is not a deliberate intention. I don't have a lot of time, due to health problems and of course with OCD my time gets swallowed up. Even if I was not interrupted by headaches, migraines and other problems, OCD behaviours tend to take my time. However not only those OCD behaviours related to this website cause delays such as checking, which seems in any case pointless as for whatever reason mistakes still seem to get through and often reading back over entries I am mortified to find so many mistakes, awkward sentences and ideas which in the light of my current perspective I now feel anxious about having included, feeling as though some harm may result. No indeed it is not only interference from OCD checking that reduces my time as of course my involvement in other OCD behaviours also add their toll. Contamination OCD and the compulsions which arise from this, the frustration of having to carry out time consuming rituals interferes with the creation and maintenance of this website as of course it does in any aspect of my life. Depression also dampens my motivation and some days notwithstanding all the aches and pains and awful thoughts which rise far more readily upon awaking I now find it rather a struggle to get out of bed and come and work on my website. Apathy is a difficult demon to combat and at times it is only becasue of some compulsive behaviour that requires attention that I finally get out of bed.  It is better that I get up within a reasonable time after waking even it if is as early as 4 am. Going back to sleep can bring on a nasty headache or increase the severity of an existing one and also brings an increase in depression and anxiety.

This morning though while laying in bed, kind of teetering on the edge too weary to get up but anxious should I fall asleep, I decided not to reformat my website at least not in the design I had intended. I think it better to have a more artistic theme than the one I had chosen in order to maintain the website's main purpose which is to emphasise the creative accomplishments of people with OCD and other related conditions. Some times this gets overlook as my website theme also includes information; my blog, articles and other issues even those not directly related to OCD. So it may take a while for any observable changes as I need to rethink my design, although I may gradually make changes section by section over time rather than in one go.

September the 16th

Speaking of creative accomplishments OCD UK are having a conference in October this year, the theme of which is one of inspiration: OCD Inspirational Conference - Working through this Together. One of the items on the agenda is: Beyond OCD - A showcase of artistic talent.

"Our inspirational OCD conference promises something different with a focus on the artistic talents of people with OCD. Featuring keynote lectures by world renowned OCD experts Professor Paul M. Salkovskis and Dr Victoria Bream-Oldfield from the Institute of Psychiatry."

As far as I am aware though visual arts are not included but there are poetry readings and musical segments. For more details:
OCD-UK: OCD Inspirational Conference 2008

A refreshing change to focus upon something people with OCD can do rather than what they cannot.

I can't go, I only wish I could but it would be far too great an ordeal. Yes I have been away on holiday for a few days and that is of course no easy matter and takes some courage and determination. However to travel some 150 miles or so to arrive at a certain destination within a limited time scale is far more difficult than it is on holiday where there are no deadlines. The chances I would have a headache or migraine and miss some or all of the conference are fairly high and even if I arrived headache or migraine free, the warm atmosphere, crowds, high volume of noise and the social interaction and other problems far too numerous to mention would make it rather an ordeal. I had considered going but the lead up anxiety would be an extra burden. Had the conference taken place during the spring or summer I may have felt differently but for many of us the onset of dreary autumn and winter days increases anxiety and depression and one requires even more motivation than usual to take on potentially stressful endeavours such as this. And really after a busy summer of local trips and a last minute holiday I am rather weary.

I imagine though I am not alone and that there are many OCD sufferers either due to the severity or the nature of their OCD may have similar problems in attending, and it might be a good idea if such conferences where video taped. Perhaps the main  speakers lectures and highlights of the general conference proceedings. Umm perhaps I will write and suggest this, as this would give those of us less able to attend a glimpse into what takes place. Just an idea, these things are as the saying goes often easier said than done.

September17th

New in the gallery is an inclusion of sculpture from Luis Leonal Lopez. Luis who has OCD, AS, depression and eye floaters is studying sculpture, this is his first piece, which I am sure you will agree is quite incredible. Luis once said that he had no artistic ability, which clearly is not the case at all. It is amazing what we can do if only we make the effort to try; many of us may have hidden talents and unless we try to find them by enrolling on such courses or by simply trying at home we may never know we have them.

Luis: Sculpture

Please take a look at Luis' sculpture in the Gallery.

Luis hopes that by including his work here that others may be inspired to try out a craft or other artistic pursuit.

September 17th

A really stressful day yesterday for reasons I feel unable to discuss in detail and today another bad headache which I woke with during the night and which seems to be now getting slowly worse, but once I begin to write I find it difficult to stop but I am nonetheless as a result not able to perhaps explain things in such detail for fear that by doing so it will make matters worse. Today I have someone coming to visit, my befriender, I am not sure If I have mentioned her before or not, she has been coming now for about three or four years. She comes to chat. I do find this difficult, but she does most of the talking and my husband is often about to help out. But it can be a strain if I have an headache and last week I put her off coming because of a headache, but this week the headache is even worse and I feel concerned to have to cancel yet again our arrangement. People really do not understand about headaches and now difficult it is to cope with daily life as a result of such frequent attacks. Social interaction is difficult for me at the best of times and the addition of a headache adds more misery. This lady seems to accept well enough when we cancel at the last minute, nonetheless I am concerned. Few people have seen me in the throes of a violent headache or migraine and I wonder at times if people think I either exaggerate the severity of these headaches or use them as an excuse. Neither is the case of course, they are a bloody nightmare and I would be glad to see an end to them.  Sometimes I do not know what to do in such situations as the one above. The same dilemma occurs if we are going out and I have a headache, unless it is migraine or very severe I don't know if I should take a chance and go out or stay home and of course my OCD interferes here with the obsession I have about changing plans, which I have explained in many previous entries.

Making a decision about what to do if I have a headache, unless it is really severe, is quite a problem and brings about much obsessive thinking and torment.

All three of us now it seems have such difficulties with a mix of mental health issues and the problems which arise form them , decision making is one of them. An inability to make even the smallest of decisions is a symptom of both depression and anxiety. I am not talking of major decisions such as moving house, leaving the country but small decisions, sometimes as insignificant as whether or not to go out, or to buy red or white potatoes althoguh these days the price is usually the deciding factor in that particular instance.  But the point I am making is that decision making can be a huge problem generating its own type of anxiety and depression. It can result in procrastination, particularly with more important issues, as for instance getting someone to fix the roof; and of course decisions about getting work done are made more difficult these days by not knowing who to trust, and even with a list of the council's trusted traders previous bad experiences add to an inability to made a decision even with the help of such a list. And as a result we may more than likely face another winter of leaks coming in from the roof. At one time my husband was the stabilising influence and decision maker on more important issues than the colour of the potatoes, and big issues were left to him, and as he become more anxious and depressed in recent years it was my son who mostly offered a rational perspective at least on some issues, but not on others, but now he too seems in the same state of confused indecision as both my husband and I. Consequently we find ourselves trapped in a maelstrom of confused doubt, and at times unable to make a decision often to the point that we might for instance go to an optician who charges much more for lenses rather than make a decision to go elsewhere, and this was the type of scenario we faced yesterday and which we face all the time.  I have delayed seeing an optician now for months because of this type of problem.

Someone once said to me that in the finish decisions are made, and I guess in a way they are; for instance if you cannot decide where to go or even if you should go out at all, eventually a decision is made even if it is only as a result of all the procrastinating making it too late to go anywhere at all. But than this is of course not a satisfactory solution and it is a misery and torment.

Oh how the mind can torment you in ways unimaginable.

One of the worse things about making decisions is that no matter what you do, in time your mind will make you feel you should have done something different and you have made a wrong decision. On small issues of course it is not that big a problem if a decision  does not work out, but on more important issues you can feel tormented all your life by the thought that you made an incorrect decision and this than goes on of course to father make decision making more difficult. 

September 20th

This will be the second update since my website went on-line with the new name and I am already having some regrets as is the case with any decision when it is finally made. I regret not including some reference to creativity in the title, but I simply could not think of a suitable way to do this without making the name too long, although the plus part of ocd-plus is meant to imply the website is more than just about OCD but rather OCD plus other anxiety disorders, ASDs, creativity and so on, somehow I feel though that this does not come over too well.

I am still in a quandary whether or not to change the design, even though I have already completed several pages I feel they are now not really appropriate and may detract further from the website's purpose. 

I hope to make some new additions and include more focus on creativity and the help that creative pursuits have in improving our lot in life.  I think that a creative or other pass-time or interest can be a good distraction for all sufferers of any kind of mental health problem, although I do recognise of course from my own expereicne that for people with OCD the actual condition itself an interfere with your chosen hobby or pass time and it can be a struggle to contend with this. The same could be said of course for any anxiety disorder or mental health condition as  anxiety and depression interfere with ones motivation and ability to pursue interests. However often these can be overcome although it can be a huge struggle and there may be times when we are simply to ill for such endeavours, but if we can engage ourselves in such activities the sufferer finds a good distraction as was the case for my sister, although of course her anxieties most certainly interfered with her endeavours. Anxiety, depression and stress interfere with my son's creativity and sometimes just getting past the obstacle of indecision can be the first huddle among many which bring about procrastination as he cannot decide what to paint, in what medium, on canvas or paper, what size and so on and on. Also once started he is tormented by the demon of perfectionism and motivating sapping depression. In addition people with OCD may find their attempts thwarted by OCD obsessions and compulsions, such as for me my compulsion to check my writing over and over and the same problem with painting arise for me as it does for my son. Furthermore  obstacles may arise such as the local art suppliers of cheap canvases closing down, and such may throw you into inactivity and despair for some time until solutions or alternatives may be found, as can things like lack of space and the need to improvise. But such dilemmas arise with all our activities and are a consequence of our stress and depression which makes little set backs appear as huge obstacles.  But if we can triumph over these things even if they cause considerable hindrance we can feel that the pursuit of a creative or other pass time will help to alleviate some of your worries and anxieties and provide a distraction and at the very least a feeling that you have done something rewarding, satisfying. For indeed you have, particularly if you have done so despite the obstacles which arise.

Soon I hope to include a list of ideas and links to websites which give free on-line tuition to help you have a go at an art or craft.

Don't say you do not have any talent. How do you know if you have never tried. Luis did not know he could sculpture a tiger until he tried.  There are so many arts and crafts to try, one of them may suit you and you may find you have some talent that you did not know you had. Try out different ones until you find something you feel you enjoy and remember enjoying your pass-time is more important that any consideration as to whether or not you are good at it. And don't forget of course your abilities do improve with time.

I will see it I can find some useful links to help you out with instruction and ideas.

September 21st

I really feel uncomfortable bothering you all with another request to sign a petition. However please take the time to sign this if you are able.

"The Bush administration is planning a massive poisoning operation that would target prairie dogs in South Dakota and Nebraska.

Recent poisonings have already decimated thousands of acres of prairie dog colonies and wildlife. The current plan would cause even more damage, and we only have a precious few weeks to stop it."

Please note the deadline for the petition is September 25th. Anyone from any part of the world may sign this petition, you do not have to reside in the USA.

Stop Prairie Dog Poisoning - The Petition Site

There is a deadline  petition needs to be signed by September 25th. 

Thanks!
 

I hope you don't mind my making this request, the intention of the Bush administration to poison these animals is to my way of thinking a particularly awful atrocity.

September

"A number of small studies claim that art therapy reduces depression through helping people with mood disorders resolve emotional problems and release repressed feelings. But maybe that is not really why art making helps to alter mood. The answer may literally be in your hands."

Read the complete article: