I am sorting out the clean towels, I have to be careful whilst handling the clean laundry basket specially kept for clean washing only. I have to take care not to allow it to touch my cloths. If this happens I will either not be able to use it for this purpose of I will have to disinfect it. I am not yet dressed, I am still in my night gown which I feel is contaminated as it covers my nightdress which is contaminated by sleeping in bed which for very complex reason is also contaminated, it is the usual contamination chain reaction. If any part of the basket touches my nightclothes, it in turn will become contaminated, if any of the towels touch my night cloths they too will become contaminated and I will than have to wash them over again. Some of these towels have previously been washed a seconded time because they had been come accidentally in contact with a towel that had not been washed.

I tip them out onto the settee for easier sorting; I cannot just tip them out anywhere, the settee is an OCD clean area. I could not tip them out onto my bed for instance or onto anyone else's chair. After folding again being careful not to allow them to touch my cloths I have to place them into the cupboard in the bathroom. I have to open the door first and than wash my hands as the door handle is contaminated. The towels have to be carefully placed on the top shelf, the other shelves have art materials stacked on them if the towels touch these they will have be rewashed.

There are no visible demarcation zones in my home, you will not see any dividing line that separates contaminated areas from non contaminated areas. There are no noticeable swaths of my living space that you would probably see me avoiding. Nonetheless such areas exist within my mind, for the most part only I am aware of them. Nonetheless there is a division between clean and non clean areas, contaminated and non contaminated that precipitates so much hand washing, showering, changing of cloths and frustrating and exhausting rituals such as those above and even on occasion throwing away of many items in order to keep separate these two zones of existence.

If you were a visitor to my home you may not even have any idea that such rituals are taking place right under your nose although you may notice that I wash my hands rather a lot, particularly when you are observing me making you something to eat or a cup of tea. You would probably wonder why I scolded out the cups and the teaspoon, why I washed my hands again even though I had washed them prior to putting the tea bags into the cups. You would also wonder why I washed the taps than washed my hands again. You might notice that after removing the tea bags I might wash my hands a third time. Depending on circumstances I might wash a forth, fifth any number of times if I accidentally touched anything in the no go zone that I deemed contaminated whilst I was preparing your cup of tea. For instance my hand may accidentally catch the door handle of the sink cupboard a contaminated zone, or the washing machine or things that no one else would make any connection with concerning contamination problems. But in my mind these areas of my home have become contaminated; a certain item may have been touched by someone whom I deemed contaminated in one way or another, for instance someone who owned a dog many have touched something, oftentimes now I cannot recall how these areas or things become contaminated, I just know that the outside of my washing machine is contaminated and I wash my hands when I for example after touching the door handle before placing in the washing, the same procedure is carried out after opening the door to remove the washing. You most certainly would think it odd if than after all that I had to start the whole procedure over again because whilst you were talking I was unable to concentrate and made a mistake in the rituals and had forgotten to wash my hands. You might understand that I can only concentrate on one thing at a time but you would certainly not understand the neurotic logic or the nature of the fear that drove me to carry out such behaviours. And you might wonder why but than after being told some plausible excuse you would watch he same procedure all over again.

If I were cooking you a meal you would most certainly notice the amount of washing that was taking place of not only my hands but also the crockery, cutlery in fact you would probably observe many very odd rituals and if you visited me often you would notice that I can not cook or prepare a meal if I am alone and if I did you would wonder why I was throwing all that food away. .

No you would have to live with me perhaps to notice these very subtle demarcation zones but for the most part my husband and son remain oblivious to the nightmare within, of restrictions and avoidance. It is impossible to keep your home contamination free and usually after some time has passed one has to conceded defeat after shampooing the carpet, scrubbing the work tops, disinfecting your books, the outside of tins, packaging, furniture and anything and everything. Eventually the exhausted, frustrated and depressed OCDer than begins to take the path of avoidance and lives a life of constant struggle to keep these two areas separated. Instead of trying to decontaminate the OCDer instead washs her hands after for example touching the tin that has been on the same conveyor belt as the previous customer who has bought dog food or she changes her cloths that have just touched the laundry basket as she entered the bathroom instead of throwing away the laundry basket because it became contaminated.

No indeed there is most certainly no visible dividing line Nonetheless such exists within my mind and it is this that precipitates so much hand washing, showering changing of cloths and frustrating and exhausting rituals such as those above and even on occasion throwing way of many items. And for the most part few will be aware of this misery that results solely from intrusive unwanted thoughts which arise in the mind.

September 5th

Caution possible triggers: morbid rumination

We are visiting Beverly Minster in the quiet little Yorkshire town. I find it curious that my blasphemous thoughts are less of a problem in larger churches such as cathedrals and ministers where, despite my many problems, often I find some peaceful respite therein. In smaller parish churches particularly ancient medieval churches blasphemous thoughts can be problem even though I am agnostic and now have no specific religious beliefs preferring the pick and mix approach of new age thinking. But this is not really my point as today other aspects of my OCD torment me.

Standing beside the quire admiring the 14th century intricate carvings on the seats I read the notice Please replace the seat so visitors can enjoy the woodcarvings. The thought came to my mind: have these seats ever been cleaned since the fourteenth century with anything other than polish! If I sit on this seat I will be sitting where the unwashed medieval parishioners sat all those hundreds of years ago when the plague and other virulent diseases ran riot. Many people get a thrill from touching artefacts, antiques from centuries past. Just touching something that the Romans had touched, owning a dinner plate from which Napoleon once ate, handling a coin touched by countless thousands, sitting in the seat sat in by monks of times along ago and so on, for some such is a thrill. But no not for me for you see all I can think of is how anxious I am because of dirt and germs of ages long passed and somehow all the Romanticism of days long ago dissipates in an instant. I would of course have extreme anxiety sitting down; I never touch items of antiquity unless I can wash my hands straight afterwards. Particularly old coins, indeed I have difficulties enough touching modern money, money from countries where there is a rabies problem.

As we walk round the Minster the graves and tombs of those long since passed away increase my anxiety and cause me to reflect or rather ruminate upon the passing of time, the years that have passed since these people died and other gloomy contemplations. Well really I have no words for the thoughts that pass through my mind along with a mixture of emotions: fear of my own mortality, sadness that these once living breathing people may no longer be and that all there hopes and dreams are long past as one day mine will be... Well enough said often I fear too write too much morbid content should what I say trigger anxiety in whoever will read what I have written. However if I do not write concerning all the aspects of my OCD I cannot convey what OCD is like for me personally as you will not fully understand the pervasive nature of this disorder at least relative to my personal experience of it. Moreover triggers are personal issues are they not. What might be a trigger to one person is not necessarily so for another. OCD is such a personal illnesses; although the basic symptoms are similar the manifestations are unique in each individual. For instance a suffer of OCD contamination such as myself may fear contamination by dogs, however another OCD sufferer may also fear contamination yet own a dog with out giving this any thought at all for his contamination fears are focused elsewhere. In fact there is a Yahoo news group for OCD sufferers who own a dog.

As I say for me there are indeed mixed emotions in addition to anxiety and existential fear, there are feelings of peace and tranquillity. Beside the Minster is a large tree, the sound of the wind rustling the leaves is soothing and I long to linger absorbing the peace that is else where so difficult to find. The Minster is situated in a very peaceful part of the town and despite the morbid revere and feelings of longing, wishing that I could live here in one of these small but very expensive houses in the neat clean and pleasant town, there where indeed some tranquil moments a respite from the turmoil from within.

The photographs below where taken by my husband. for more photographs of a variety of subjects and free desktop wallpaper please click John

Click on image to view larger version which will open in a new window.

Not your regular timid sheep here, this sheep was so friendly she followed us about hoping to get something to eat.	Doesn't she have a sweet face I could not resist feeding her.

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Please Note:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything,
That's how the light gets in.
Leonard Cohen

The link below will take you to an article concerning creativity and mental illness. The emphasis however is on depression particualry manic depression. Personally I consider that anyone with a mental illness is creative but it is debatable whether or not anxiety disorders are an inhibition rather than an impetus. Certainly if your condtion is severe, anxiety and lack of motivation may impeded your creative abilities as it does any other aspect of your life. OCD in particular may be inhibitive if the sufferer has OCD contamination fears centred on chemicals if he or she is a painter, or checking compulsions if he or she is a writer.

I came across this really lovely creative website of a sufferer of anorexia nervosa this website is well worth a visit. The following is an excerpt from the introduction:

September 18th

Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Frank stands looking over the rail from the first floor of the shopping centre but instead of seeing the throng of bustling shoppers below in his mind eye he sees the swirling dark foreboding waters of the Norwegian fjords. He feels sick, his stomach surges, a lump rises to his throat and a familiar fear presents itself, a fear he has borne for a number of weeks now since booking a family holiday on a trip to Norway including a cruise along the fjords. Frank has a profound phobia about being on ships, boats and of deep water, he will not even walk to the water’s edge, yet he has allowed himself to be talked into taking this holiday, a holiday which will be anything but relaxing or enjoyable. Often well meaning or sometimes plain selfish family members will persuade a friend or relative to take such action that will cause more suffering than they can imagine, for if you ‘re not phobic you really cannot imagine the terror of mind that besets sufferers of this type of anxiety disorder. For if you did you might think twice before hounding a sufferer of a phobia to take action before he is ready to do so simply because you think it is in his interests to or you are simply putting your own desires first.

For many people a phobia is not simply an acute attack which will pass after the incident is over, no oftentimes the anticipatory fear of such an event is just as anxiety provoking, as the actual confrontation with the object of ones phobia as for weeks in advance the kind of imaginary scenarios as the one above haunt the sufferer as he goes over and over the anticipated event or rather the dreaded event. Any little reminder brings about sensations very similar to those he will experience during the full-blown phobic attack he will have or anticipates he will have when he confronts the situation. In the background the thoughts of the impending event will haunt him, it will mar the quality of his life during the proceeding weeks leading up to the confrontation of his phobia. In the above circumstance while everyone else is excited about the forthcoming trip he will be counting the days in dread wishing it where over.

I recall some years ago a friend of mine a lady who had agoraphobia, panic disorder and social phobia had also a profound fear of flying. She was also somewhat anxious when travelling by car and although she did so she was constantly afraid. Her husband had for many years wanted to visit relatives in Australia but until this time had not the financial means to do so. However when his circumstances changed he pursued his wife to travel with him not only to Australia but afterwards to travel to the USA before returning home. My friend had for many years dreaded this happening knowing that as soon as the situation was right that he would wish to do this and that she would be put in a very awkward position of either confronting her fear of flying or living with the guilt of refusing to go on this most likely once in a lifetime trip. Finally she was persuaded to go on the trip. During the weeks leading up to this event she was haunted by her fears, each morning she woke to the feeling of utter dread as the first thought that greeted her each day was the thought of this impending journey. I recall meeting her on the street one autumn afternoon a few weeks before she was due to fly out. I had not seen her for a while as she had become rather anxious and stressed for a number of reasons and we had postponed our visits with one another. As I saw her approach from a good distance I could tell than by her whole demeanour that she was anxious and depressed, her fear seemed palpable as though you could almost smell it, taste it. No it was not her agoraphobia she had made some good progress with that and was able to at least go out and about in the village. As we met she told me of her dread, her fears, it appeared to me that her already very anxious life was indeed now made much worse and that what quality of life she had, had now been consumed by utter dread. I cannot of course know precisely what this person felt other than my own impressions and from some of the things she said and perhaps I may have been transferring some of my own anxieties, for indeed I had great empathy for her fears as we share this same phobia, but I will never forget seeing her that day and the look of utter misery on her face. I had visited with her for a few years and we had talked over our fears including our shared fear of flying and she was an anxious person but never before had I seen her look so full of anxiety and dread. She told me that she faced an eight hour flight to Australia changing I think in Singapore. After a two-week stay in Australia she was to fly to California for a week’s stay with relatives before returning to the UK. Now for anyone with a phobia about flying any trip even of short duration would have induced extreme anxiety but such a trip as this lady faced would be overwhelming for someone who was phobic and flying for the first time and who also suffered with agoraphobia and panic disorder. Yes she did go, it was an ordeal and I admire her bravery.

But me... would I expose myself to such a full on experience, a huge confrontation with an enormous fear that would make me utterly sick with anxiety, that would effect my life for weeks to prior to the trip and increase my stress levels still further ...no way. At least not for a one off experience that will not greatly enhance my daily life but which could in theory actually make my daily life much worse after the experience of so much anxiety.

Sometimes those of us who suffer with an anxiety disorder have to ask ourselves if it is worth all the anxiety before we make a decision to confront our fears, particularly if this confrontation will increase our anxiety to extreme levels for a number of weeks beforehand but will not greatly effect the quality of our lives in the long term. In other words sometimes we may need to ask ourselves if it is worth it. Now if you have agoraphobia or there are other reasons you cannot go out as in my case because of my OCD and my headaches than yes you need to try to confront your fears otherwise your quality of life will be greatly diminished. I am anxious to go out alone, I am anxious to travel even by car, the speed, the behaviour of other motorists causes me a great deal of anxiety. Each time I go anywhere I am anxious but I go nonetheless albeit with trepidation. I cannot go out alone though and I need someone with me but even with someone with me there is anxiety and each time I go out I have to face this anxiety anew. The alternative of course would be to face a life of being housebound so I try as much as is possible to confront my fears in order to have some quality of life. In my opinion although the anxiety can be dreadful and a trip out, particularly to a place far away, can be worrying for a few weeks prior to travelling, I accept this as being a necessary evil so to speak. The anxiety is awful but it is worth it to have some kind of life outside of my home.

However concerning travel abroad either by air or sea I would not for one minute consider confronting this fear, a fear that now just writing about here causes anxiety, the prospect of such an attempt turns my stomach, I can feel my stomach muscles tighten at the very thought. You know when I leave my home on most occasions even for a local trip my entire system goes into melt down. My bladder feels as though I have an infection, there is a feeling of dreadful irritation in my bladder, I feel the urge to urinate, even though I have been several times in succession before leaving the house this urge is still present even though I have drank nothing for hours. This feeling will be with me mostly through the entire duration of the trip sometimes accompanied by IBS. I am forever looking for toilets and because of my OCD contamination fears this escalates my anxiety still further. My stomach constricts as soon as I set food in the street, a lump rises to my throat and anxiety consumes me, the degree depends on the destination, the length of the journey and several other factors including the presence of headaches the fear being that it might turn to migraine. When I am out there are so many fears; confrontations with dogs, could they have rabies; stains on the pavement, could they be toxic; fears of eating food, is it poisoned, will I get food poisoning, will I die. A bird flies by so close it’s wing touches my hair, will I get bird flu. I touch something in a shop, it is wet is this unidentified substance toxic. Someone rushes past me in the street, there is brief contact, I feel contaminated. The notes handed to me in my change look particularly grubby, there is a purple stain and so on and on one thing after another. Hyphochondrical fears haunt me such as for instance, does the fact that I feel as though I need to urinate mean I have bladder cancer, ovarian cancer, (the feeling of a sudden urge to urinate can be a symptom of ovarian cancer). Will the cut on my hand, the source of which I cannot recall, fester and on and on one anxiety presenting after another in rapid succession. Strange places, people, noise, social expectations, the list is endless, many fears present, the cause of which I cannot define and rather like an animal my hackles rise, metaphorically speaking. My whole system is on the alert, expectant, anticipatory, anxious never relaxed. But in order to have some sort of existence I have to confront these problems.

However concerning a confrontation with my fear of flying and indeed travelling abroad and the huge anxieties this entails including all the above and more, make this an entirely different situation and consideration. There are a huge number of additional anxieties concerning travel broad, besides the fear of the actual flight, of crashes and other catastrophes, such as getting ill, the long wait at air ports, no facility for me to take my migraine medication should the need arise, the hustle and bustle, the noise and confusion. And on arrival there are the additional fears similar to those mentioned already concerning travel in my own country but with added problems or emphasis. For instance in many parts of the world rabies is a problem albeit a very small one in for example Paris or other European country but statistics of course do little to alleviate ones fears. Also I believe for those of us who suffer with an anxiety disorder there is an undefined anxiety that makes travelling in a foreign country more stressful, an unnamed fear that even we can not put into words. Of course I am only speaking from my own experience. I would for example imagine that if you ‘re prone to panic attacks you might have more of them because of all the added anxiety but again this, as indeed everything I have written, is my own opinion, everyone is different and we all experience fear and anxiety differently. My main fear is the flight or the trip on a ship and the fear of rabies but it is also this undefined fear that brings with it a huge amount of anxiety. Moreover as already mentioned the anticipatory fear, waiting for the time to arrive would bring unbearable anxiety, an anxiety I doubt I would be able to cope with. Furthermore once having arrived at my destination I would of course be far too traumatised to enjoy my holiday, not only because of the anxieties already described but also because of the thought of the necessity of having to make the return journey. This in some ways could prove more traumatic than the outgoing journey as of course right up until the plane takes off or the ship leaves dock, I could change my mind. Often I am able to do things if I have a back door, it I know that at the last minute I can back out of whatever it is I am trying to do if my fears overwhelm me. But of course having made the outgoing journey I will than be subjected to the same anxiety about retuning with the added problem being there is not way out, I have no back door, I cannot change my mind. Yes for some people this may have a reverse effect, with the result of becoming more resigned the fear is mitigated but this would not be the case for me.

So all things considered for me personally it really is not worth putting myself in such a position. Yes there are many parts of the world I would like to visit but most of these regions are generally speaking really not suitable for a person with contamination OCD such as Tibet, and other Himalayan countries, china and a number of other countries I would like to have visited. However besides some very mild regrets this inability does not have an all over detrimental effect on my life as would be the case if I did not try to confront my fears of travel and going out in my own country. For me personally the enormous trauma of foreign travel would not be worth it and in fact may even be a detriment. Often an added dose of anxiety can have a long term effect and it can take time to recover after a serious confrontation with our fears. This is particularly so if you have been persuaded to do so by other people, you have been made to feel guilty or uncomfortable and have reluctantly gone on a journey before you felt you were able.

I do not of course wish to deter anyone from making such an effort if you are determined and you are doing so because it is what you want and you feel ready to make this confrontation with your fears and it is important to you: To those of you who are ready to face such fears I wish you all the best and wish you every success in your endeavours. However for those of you who would rather not do so, do not feel guilty or regretful, perhaps there will be a time when you are ready but until than... I personally would not allow myself to be persuaded, or pressured into doing something I feel will not really enhance my life with a sufficient payback in terms of life enhancement, that really does not warrant the amount of fear to which you may be subjected. And please relatives even if you do not understand the fears of the person whom you are trying to coax to take an action that cases great fear please respect that at this time such can cause unimaginable anxiety. There is a difference between encouragement and harassment, and persuasion by guilt. Please be sure of your motives, often relatives only try to “ encourage” their spouse, child, friend to undertake such a confrontation simply because it is what they want rather than what is in the best interests of the person concerned. Occasionally... well actually quite a bit my son tries to get me to consider foreign travel but I tell him that it is all I can cope with to make a relatively short journey here, the distress off which can overwhelming. No at this juncture in my life such a trip would be of detriment and I am not prepared to put myself through such misery. Foreign travel is not the be end all of existence after all most of the world's population have not ventured far from their own town or village. Finding ways to cope in your immediate here and now in your everyday life trying to find some meaning to your life is of greater consideration. Foreign travel is just the icing on the cake for relatively few of the world inhabitants.

So for me for now I will continue to be an armchair traveller and make do with reading the many books written of the experiences of travel writers to places I can only dream about. I am neither able nor prepared to suffer the trauma of travelling abroad.

September 20th
 

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.
Ann Frank

I do not think that travelling outside of the UK will ever be an option as today just travelling up to Berwick and along the coastline of eastern Scotland is extremely difficult for me. My anxiety is quite profound today and effects my bladder and it is a miserable day. On the return journey I get a headache, it is relatively mild to moderate but I am so afraid it will escalate into a migraine. We are about one hundred miles from home and I am extremely stressed. We stop at several places along the coast and finally arrive at St Abbes, a delightful little seaside village, so picturesque, so peaceful and quiet there are hardly any dogs to bother me and no noise except the squawk of birds and the sound of the surf breaking on the stony beach. The day is warm, very warm for the time of year. It is one of the most peaceful places I have been to for a very long time and is one in which I wish to remain even to live here in this tranquil sanctuary. I often think that we all three of us simply need a good respite from the clamour of our everyday lives spent in a location which is rarely free from noise, where the phone rings, people knock on your door and you re generally beset with one worry or pressure from our angst ridden society. This is the kind of place that you envision that people were sent to in days gone by to convalesce to recover and recuperate. A place for those of us tortured by our minds to go to reflect to talk over our problems to gain a perspective in a peaceful beautiful setting. Oh I only wish...

Here are photographs taken by my son Kevin Photography however doesn't really convey the magnificent beauty of this place though, you really have to be there. It is a balm for the soul and just for the couple of hours we were there and walked along the cliffs and sat looking over the bay and village I really did feel some peace which was well worth the long and anxiety ridden trip.

The photographs below are sized for desktop wallpaper.

 

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September 23rd

It has turned into another lovely warm day despite the fact we are over a third the way through September. After a very stressful morning trying to prepare my website for publication and attempting to complete a painting that I just can’t get right, sadly due to perfectionist tendencies no doubt, I want nothing more to sit outside to enjoy this last remnant of summer before it slips into autumn. I step outside the moment is lost - if indeed there ever was a moment when I feel at peace or even remotely relaxed or satisfied with what I am doing as most of the time having arrived at a decision with great difficult to do this or that I am than plagued with thinking I should be doing something other than what I am doing. Perhaps I should carry on with my painting, get dinner, perhaps we should have gone out somewhere to make the most of the weather, or should we go and get that bookcase we need to try and control all that seething clutter in our bedroom. Doubt and  indecision are some of the more subtle tortures of OCD or at least the OCD personality.

As If this internal babble is not enough I am now greeted by the rattle of conversation via a neighbour’s radio. This is most unusual here, with the exception of loud lawn mowers and other implements it is a quiet neighbourhood notwithstanding the low frequency hum, which was not evident today. Yes often we hear the thump thump of music as a car passes through and mostly when the driver pulls in at his or her destination it is switched off. Irritating? Yes but something I guess we have to accept. And at first I thought that this was the case here as the noise was just so loud. But no this droning went on. No it was not your local teenager turning up the volume of the TV, radio ,stereo or whatever no this was our pensioner neighbour who was working in his garden who obviously wanted to listen to a program whist gardening. Having become aware of it, after a while we could here it in the house.  Often I do not know what is appropriate in such situations, after all I do not wish to become known as the person who complains about everything, you know the kind of person who complains when your dog barks, or you slam the door that kind of thing. So I thought just let it go and see what happens but after a while it began to drive me crazy. My husband went to complain and our neighbour was okay about it and turned it off saying he had not realised... ummm. I guess I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

But I than began to feel guilty I had not wanted to complain as it might not happen again but my husband thought that if we did not do so he would think that no one minded. Sometimes you really do not know what to do about anything, everything it appears involves an enormous decision and having once agonised and made that decision your mind does an about turn and torments you with the notion that your decision was wrong and that you should have done differently. I don't know if we were right to complain, the noise was loud but no one else complained and for the most part this neighbour is a nice person. And now I worry about an awkwardness between us, although I rarely see him or his wife. Sometimes I think I can never do or say anything right or make a right decision I always manage to put my foot in it and say the wrong thing or overreact but there again such is a matter of perspective. But is my perspective borne of my OCD?  Who knows after so many years, I do not. So for weeks to come I will ruminate about this and wish we had let well alone and gave him a chance before complaining. However notwithstanding my indecisive doubts and lack of confidence in my reactions decisions and indeed everything I say, think or do, is it really acceptable to take out a radio, turn it on in your garden at full volume when you live in such close proximity to other people.

There appears to be such a lack of consideration nowadays, and it is most certainly not always on the part of the young either as most of us are led to believe, for the most part these arts of inconsideration may not be intentional nonetheless they are  there with increasing frequency and it is very worrying indeed.

September 24th

The earth we abuse and the living things we kill will, in the end, take their revenge; for in exploiting their presence we are diminishing our future. 
Marya Mannes

Amongst my e-mail this morning is an invitation to sign a petition concerning the wanton destruction of the unique environment of Tasmania by a logging company: Gunns LTD. The destruction is an appalling blatant disregard for this unique environment of old trees, some 400 years old, and the lives of countless species of wild life which are killed as tracts of forest as big as football pitches are destroyed by napalm bombs . This company is taking the most unscrupulous measures imaginable. Please read the petition introduction below and clink on the link to sign the petition.

"Australia's island state of Tasmania is home to unique ecosystems that contain some of the Earth's most incredible plants and animals, including the world's tallest hardwood trees and ancient old-growth forests.


Tragically, these global treasures are being destroyed by the logging company GUNNS LIMITED. Gunns cuts down more than 40 football fields of pristine old-growth forests everyday, then firebombs the clear-cut land with napalm, and poisons the surviving wildlife with 1080, a toxin banned in many countries. Streams are polluted, 400 year old trees destroyed, habitats incinerated, and threatened species killed."

Please join us now in the fight to save Tasmania's incredible forests:
TELL GUNNS LTD. TO STOP ITS DESTRUCTION OF TASMANIAN FORESTS AND WILDLIFE!

Save Tasmania's Forests! Petition

If like me you feel strongly about his please sign this petition. This effects all of us, this world belongs to all including the countless species of creatures with whom we share this planet, not only now but for generations to come. To day I am so angry I cannot image how these people have been bellowed to exploit this unique habitat solely for profit, simply for greed and for personal gain to the detriment of us all . This causes unimaginable suffering for the animals which inhabit Tasmania right now and has to be stopped.

Finally I telephoned this morning it was stressful. I hoped that she had gone out. Already I had procrastinated until after breakfast with a variety of excuses mostly that now it was too early to telephone. If she was not at home I could leave a message on her answering machine saying I had called to make the enquiry and that either I or my husband would ring back later. That way I could get my husband to telephone and it would not appear as odd. Really people do not understand such problems at all and it can appear odd if I get him to ring all the time so there are times when I really have to telephone myself but this would be a devious way of doing so that would not be so noticeable She answered the phone and we chatted and things seemed not too bad until it was time to finish the call and than I really do not know how to do this and I am always left with the feeling that my exists have been either very abrupt or long winded filled with rehearsed repertoires of take care now, look forward to seeing you soon, after the person has told me they can’t visit until a month or more time due to this or that. Really I do not know how to close a conversation particularly one on the telephone it is difficult for me to explain because even by writing although it is a better medium of communication for me, it is nonetheless not easy for me to explain the intricacies of the peculiar way my mind works. The complicated thoughts, the complex web of torments that OCD weaves by using not only OCD issues but also any co morbid conditions both mental and physical to bring about constant torment. I have done my utmost to explain precisely the nature and complexity of such issues but often I feel that there is no way that I can really convey to you the pervasive extent and complexity of the thoughts that enter my mind and make my life a nightmare.

Concerning blogs : Although I have initially looked through the recommended blogs in my blog roll I have not read every single entry and have selected each on its overall merit: interesting regular entries . However the comments and opinions of the respective blog owners do not necessarily reflect my own opinions.

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Contact

I will endeavour to reply to all e-mail, however please bear in mind that I have a number of quite debilitating illnesses and there may be times when there will be considerable delay. Also I will not publish anyone's comments, as appears to be the procedure with blogs, without permission of the author : If you would like me to publish your comments please indicate clearly at the end of your e-mail.

All comments are welcome including polite constructive criticism and difference of opinion. However I reserve the right not to publish anything that I consider would be offensive or in any way of detriment to anyone particularly those who sufferer with the illnesses included on this web site.