May 11th

I am back after a struggle trying to get files installed after loosing our hard drive. We lost many files particularly photographs due to inadequate back up and still everything is not as it should be. And now to add to the on-going awfulness of it all our old computer also has problems of a similar nature and will need to be looked at , but it is likely that it too has had some kind of hard drive malfunction. Mind you it is five years old, but is that really old in computer terms, and surely after only five years is it now aright off. I did not use it that much but it did help me in getting extra tasks done more quickly, my son and I sharing the one computer of course limits the amount of work either of us are able to do, so our older computer was a great boon, but if it is a right off or not worth repairing we cannot afford to replace it . So I will not be able to do quite as much as I have been used to doing the last couple of years or so.

Besides I simply appear to have lost the momentum, the enthusiasm for this blog and other writings here. This is partly do to increase in depression and an inability to express myself and write what I feel or think. This is due of course not only to the depression but also to OCD and the constant worry and fear about what I write. I have struggled with this for so long but can't seem to overcome this and my writing here has got less and less and the more difficult it has become to get past these problems.

Moreover I really feel as though writing for me is not natural, I really do not have the ability or the experience to do so properly and just lately it seems as though I am stuck in a kind of limbo of apathy. There is plenty to say and I often go over in my mind what I would like to write here, such as a daily diary of what my life is like with OCD and other conditions and what the lives of my husband and son are like with their various problems and how life is for the three of us struggling with our respective difficulties. But I simply sit here and find it increasingly more difficult to put what is in my mind on paper so to speak. Besides the present inability to adequately express myself there simply is not the time, due to all the checking that needs to be done because of OCD and also because I cannot spell or type properly, the combination of the two of course increases my difficulties. I cannot coordinate the keyboard whilst trying to think of how to spell, yes the spell checker is a real boon and without it I could not have written either my memoir or writing for this website or my other website, but it is by no means easy. Also writing now my back is aching like hell, as a sufferer of fibromyalgia writing too much for too long in recent months makes my back ache awful. So it feels right now to be hopeless. I will of Course continue to add what I can but I doubt I will never reach the levels of writing I have done previously.

 

May 22nd

I am yet again supposed to be taking time out after another exhausting round with computer problems and personal issues which I will tell you about next month but which I am not able to write about today as once again I need a break. We finally managed to get both computers up and running and fingers crossed both are ok now, the older one needing only a minor repair, fortunately we have an excellent computer supplier and repair shop who do not rip you off. Much has happened this month, I will try and talk about it but right now I need to take some time out from my writing here on my blog. But I have not as yet giving up.

I wanted to come on-line briefly this morning to ask you to please sign the petition below against animal testing, the photo of the poor creature on the petition haunts me as does the whole awful business of animal experimentation, which is cruel and unnecessary.

More than 3.5 million animals were used and abused in British laboratories last year. Each one was once a living, breathing, individual animal with a personality, a unique view of the world, distinct needs and a desire for life and freedom every bit as great as yours or mine. Each one would have felt loneliness and fear/physical or psychological pain, and many would have gone through agony as they were experimented upon.

 

Please read the rest of the petition

If you feel opposed to animal testing please sign the petition.

Anyone from any country may sign

 

End The Use Of Animal Testing - The Petition Site

 

 

May 28th

Kirk Stacey, a very talented artist and a sufferer of OCD, has an exciting new website which I hope that you will take the time to visit.

www.kirkspen.co.uk

It is so positive to see people with OCD achieving something and I would be very happy to include the art or websites of anyone whose suffers from any of the conditions included on this website