Well its been so long since I made an entry that I have actually missed an entire month, there are no entries for May. This is the first time this has happened since I began this blog shortly after creating my website. I simply lack the motivation to continue, it has been getting worse in the last couple of years or so . There are many reasons why, I feel my difficulties with health both mental and physical make it more of a problem. Right now my neck is very painful and I may need to leave off typing today but also my depression is on the increase as is my OCD. It may appear that looking after our rabbit is a huge OCD step forward, but OCD doesn't work like that in obvious ways. It has not been easy mind you but I have managed in the contamination area with respect to our rabbit who is called Sooty, but OCD again I say does not work in such obvious ways and in many other ways the condition overall has became much worse. Sometimes I am not aware of how it manifests, at least I do not say to myself that this or that behaviour or thought was borne from OCD. It is now such a huge part of my life that virtually everything I do is done or conversely not done as a result of an OCD or other aberrant thought. At least I have to contend with a never ending stream of OCD influx for even the simplest of endeavours. Sometimes so much so that it is impossible to stand back and try to see any action through or decision from a normal perspective.

The best way for me to perhaps continue with his blog is as more of a diary with entries about my day to day life in all its aspects .  In theory it may appear a good idea but in practice I am simply not up to it because of the OCD and the way it and other problems interfere with writing. I write for my other website and it may appear that indeed I write quite a lot. It however takes a huge amount of time because of OCD,  perfectionism, which is never achieved but nevertheless attempted until exhaustion and desperation cause me to click the publish button, and my inabilities as a writer. But notwithstanding these problems writing for my animal rights website is different and I feel more motivated.  Perhaps it is that it does not focus on OCD although the awful ways in which animals are treated increases my depression, but it is normal depression. Although all depression is awful some depression is justified although it is of course a problem if it becomes too incapacitating. It is normal to be depressed over the way humans treat the other creatures with whom we share this world. However it is also normal to be depressed because OCD has taken your life. Depression though for me also manifests as a clinical condition, a chemical imbalance and in that respect is a constant companion added to my depression as a result of circumstances, OCD and the awareness of this awful cruel world and the way we treat one another and our fellow creatures. There is a saying the Man's inhumanity to man makes thousands mourn and to this I add man's inhumanity to animals makes thousands mourn including myself. There will be no happiness in my life while there is universal suffering, suffering that at the least could be alleviated by man instead of accentuated. I feel a ramble coming on and if only I was not in so much pain I could write so much. I feel a great need to write about how I feel. I am frustrated by my inability to do so because of the conditions with which I am inflicted.

June 10th

Anyone tried Zentangles? I guess I will never know people only write if they want something. Sad but OCD sufferers are just like everyone else in that respect. Rather a shock really. Times people have written for advice and never even bothered to thank me when I have responded. Or after several rounds of exhausting communication they improve, though not as a result of anything I have to say I hasten to add, but they have some how improved or are taking a course of therapy and now do not wish to write anymore as they do not have the time. That is if they even bother to write to tell me this. Well there are many reasons and in the seven or eight years I have been on line there are only a few who continue to write. Well I will not dwell on this but now ask people not to write for advice, I am not qualified to give it and it is upsetting when after hours of exhausting communication to than have the person suddenly stop writing leaving me ruminating about what I may have said.

Anyway back to Zentangles.

Below are examples of the ones I have done over the last few months. I cannot show you too many  as I am very limited for space on my host server having had to reduce the space available due to the financial difficulties that most of us except the very rich these days are experiencing. Here I must ignore the compulsion to ramble on about our unfair economic system and the uncaring over privileged government made up mostly of wealthy people who have no idea nor care about the thousands of people who will die of cold because the government do nothing to curb the greed of the exploitative energy providers, just one of the many examples of capitalist greed now running rampant. Incidentally my online website host has not raised their prices since my website came on line. Very commendable and their service is excellent rarely has there been any down time.  The energy increases has an effect on many people such as those of us who suffer from the conditions included on this website and other mental health problems in ways that the average person is perhaps not so effected.

I digress, more about this another time perhaps, back to the Zentangles.

Here are just a few of the ones I have done. I started with just ink as is the classic way I suppose of doing them, but felt mine looked better with the addition of coloured pencil.

 

 

You can see more of my Zentangles, and also acrylic paintings and of course photographs here on my flickr photostream: http://www.flickr.com/photos/37177488@N06/