I have been religious at various times in my life and have been the member of two religious cults and visited and attend so many churches I have now lost count. I have practised Buddhist meditation, yoga - yoga is really a religious practice not an exercise regime, the exercise and meditative practices are meant to prepare the body and mind for enlightenment - studied Taoism, Buddhism, new age, Paganism and any other ism you can think of. I am hooked on religion. But sadly I can not come down from the fence and become a part of any religious belief whole heartedly although I take some solace from Buddhism and indeed the pick and mix approach of new age philosophy. But I guess I remain agnostic even atheistic as far as the belief in a creator God in the accepted sense. Although I cannot say definitely that there is no creator God so I guess I have to go with the label of agnostic.

What about the idea that we may be living in a virtual reality of universal dimensions?

My greatest fear is the fear of non-existence and the above ideas however ludicrous or unlikely tends to validate such fears.

Yet even throughout the fear of non-existence a tiny glimmer of hope remains. The fact is you cannot prove there is a God or an after life but conversely you cannot prove that there is not. Similarly you cannot prove we exist in a computer simulation but you cannot prove that we do not.  However one should not perhaps consider that a belief in God is required to have a belief in an after life. A consideration that is relatively new for me. For instance an afterlife may simply be another dimension of our existing universe, another plane of existence into which we pass after death and was created as a result of the big bang in the same way it is hypothesised that our perceivable existence is. There may be an after life as part of the computer stimulation existence which of course may exist eternally if wherever the computer simulation exists is of course eternal. Whatever your theory of the origins of existence it can never answer the ultimate question. If you believe that God created the world where did he come from, who created God. Where did the original creator come from, what existed before God. If you believe in the Big bang theory, what originated the big bang what existed before this event, where did all the matter come from? If we are part of a computer simulation and maybe even a simulation within a simulation being simulated by people who are already part of a computer simulation where did the ordinal programmers come from. .... the mind boggles. 

I do not want to go too much into religious debate or debate the many theories that abound or include too much of my compulsive philosophic religious ruminations here in this post but perhaps another time I might share with you my thoughts about the concept of life after death without the necessity of believing in a creator God in the western sense or indeed in any other sense. One has to realise that others see God if He does exist in a different way. Eastern religions tend to believe that we are all manifestations of God, a universal conscience. Buddhists do not believe in a creator God but nonetheless believe in the continuance of existence through reincarnation until enlightenment is achieved after many lifetimes. Although this concept in Buddhism is far more complex and indeed may appear incongruous with the Buddhist belief in no self or at least a non-abiding unchanging self, a concept difficult to comprehend and the last statement is therefore a very simplistic description. Well perhaps I will leave that subject there as I could of course go on with increasingly more complex and to some bizarre and unsettling considerations which may ignite an attack of existential anxiety for myself and anyone reading this, although of course I cannot anticipate triggers in others as we are all so different in the way our mind manifests the world through the eyes of our own individual OCD.

I can also be tormented with thoughts of dread by such impending tasks as having to clean the house knowing the huge amount of stress and rituals that will result. Fear intrudes if I have to go on journey or keep an appointment or even have a friend for coffee. Concerning the last: Will I be tongue tied, will I get migraine ,will my friend contaminate my home, will I accidentally give her food poisoning? The exhaustive rituals that will have to be performed to prevent the possibility of such dire consequences haunt me with despondency. The very thought of all the complications which will arise from this one small activity such the strategies to prevent the spread of contamination and the rituals and preparation to prevent food poisoning and other dire consequences haunt me for a number of days prior to the visit such as checking carefully the packing containing the biscuits I will serve to our visitor, the dates and so on cheeking the contends is she allergic to anything. Yes such thoughts will bring about a deterioration in my mood and do not forget that these will not be the only thoughts there are so many all vying for space, sometimes the only relief is when one thought replaces another. But all thoughts bring about grinding misery yes some are worse than others but all have the ability to destroy your peace and any happiness you might otherwise glen from this existence of perpetual suffering. Thoughts crowd my mind thought thoughts and more thoughts clamouring for space, ruminative, intrusive, repetitive over and over like a loop tape the same worn out scenarios mentally exhausting, depressing frightening, guilt enduing misery.

December 3rd

In my laundry basket there is a skirt that I cannot wash. OCD often does not follow the logic that non sufferers expect or even professionals for that matter. OCD is never straightforward, not even contamination OCD which I guess is possibly the easiest manifestation of OCD to understand, or is it... Why can’t I wash this skirt? This particular skirt was in my wardrobe all through the summer, I never wore it because I feel it made me look fat. You do get ideas like this about your cloths everyone does, who has not heard someone make such a remark. My son always says if he hears me say this: “being fat makes you look fat“ :-) yes I can laugh at myself and my son’s odd humour which is mostly directed at me, but I digress. Anyway I wore the skit again recently and now it needs a wash, which is of course normal for everyone. The problem is I have the notion that after all this time it will be the home to dust mites and all those microscopic critters that live just about anywhere and everywhere. No I am not including bacteria, which are an entirely different matter. The concern is now that if I wash this skirt I will kill these creatures. This is another reason why I keep washing my cloths so such creatures do not get a chance to set up residence breed and multiply but if I consider that they may have done so, for instance some time has passed since washing my cloths for various reasons, I hesitate to wash them; I cannot bear the thought of causing harm to any living being which might be sentient with of course the exception of bacteria and other pathogens.

So what to do with my skirt which sits in laundry basket along with a cloth rug which cannot be washed for similar reasons. Both will remain there indefinitely until either someone else inadvertently washes them or throws them away. My son tells me this is excessive not even Buddhists, Hindus or even Jains would be this extreme. Although I don't’ know about Jains as they take great care to ensure that they do not cause harm to any being. However this has nothing to do with religion. It amazes me that if you say to others that you avoid killing any creature that it is automatically assumed that you are religious. Religion is a complex issue and my thoughts on religion I hope one day to share with you but in any case such concerns arise not from any religion but simply from my respect for all life and yes from my fear of death. I quote the words of Buddha here simply because I think he had great insight and not from any particular religious adherence

All beings tremble before danger, all fear death. When a man considers this, he does not kill or cause to kill.

All beings fear before danger, life is dear to all. When a man considers this, he does not kill or cause to kill. Dhammapada, 129-130.

These words convey the main reason that I do my best to avoid killing or harming any creature if at all possible. I felt this way long before I came across this quotation from Buddha.

Concerning my skirt however the above consideration taken to this extent may be neurotic and an impossible ideal, to avoid harming any being is impossible and this extreme avoidance is probably of neurotic origin and is a result of OCD hijacking my sensitivity and philosophy concerning the sanctity of life and turning a normal practical philosophy into a neurosis which restricts my life as does any of the more common manifestations of my OCD and other neurotic tendencies.

December 6th

Finally publishing again after quite a gap. I have been stressful concerning my medication and despite reassurances I continue to feel anxious.  I have taken this medication but only in a low dose. The fear and anxiety has been enormous but this fear is just the same as any other fear, it might be OCD based rather than rational but whatever the source of my fear it is not easy to overcome and I  continue to be stressed and sensitive to any of the many nuances in my body that may be indicative of an adverse reaction. Years ago when there was not the information available I simply swallowed whatever the doctor prescribed with few side effects accept for palpitations for which reason my medication was discontinued and a different medication prescribed. But there was not the anxiety concerning this.  However now  I get more anxious despite reassurances from at least one person who also suffers with migraine and who also has taken this medication.  I feel really guilty if I do not continue to take this medication having specially asked for it. It is  not my intention to waste my doctor's time I know how frustrating it must be for doctors these days. I do understand their perspective nonetheless I cannot help my fears in this regard  in much the same way as I cannot help all my others fears and if I could easily overcome this anxiety than I could so with all the other anxieties.

Suffice it to say my anxiety has increased my depression and many mornings I have dreaded facing a fear filled day of worry. Some of these entries have been written previously in the event of such a time when I really did not feel motivated to write or they are entries I have previously hesitated to post.

Such as the one about all my metaphysical / ruminations which is somewhat confused and rambling but right now I am not in any position to think coherently to sort it all out into a more organised rendition.  I have obsessed and ruminated about this particular entry since early morning and for some days previously  and must now post it in its entirely or scrap it altogether.

December 8th

Please take time to click the link below and sign the petition to bring humanitarian aid to war-torn  in Darfur.

 Click Here to sign the Darfur Petition!

 Discovery Channel :: News - Human :: The Art of Happiness, by Prescription

I am reading The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome by Toney Attwood who himself has Aspergers Syndrome. According to Mr Attwood both children and adults with Asperger’s syndrome can experience great pleasure and enjoyment when involved in their special interest. Moreover when so engaged with sufficient intensity these special interests aid relaxation and provide distraction from anxiety “ The degree of enjoyment may be far in excess of other potentially pleasurable experiences and can be a very effective emotional restorative. The interest can sometimes appear to be mesmerizing and dominating all thought , but this can effectively exclude negative thoughts such as anxiety and anger, and is, in effect, a form of ‘thought blocking’. The interest can be a source of intense enjoyment and relaxation, and act as an ‘off switch’ when agitated .” Such is sound advice don’t you think, advice which could also be equally as applicable to anyone with an anxiety disorder. It is a matter of finding an interest though that you can be intensively occupied with. Sometimes for people whose anxiety is severe or who have OCD the severity of your anxiety and or your obsessions and compulsions can interfere to such a degree that it makes the perusal of such an intensive interest either very difficult or even impossible. However if you can work round these interferences you will find that with sufficient intensive distraction that your anxiety can be reduced and the intensity of your thoughts mitigated, at least during the time you are engaged in such pastimes. At least concerning anxieties related to your disorder such as OCD, GAD and so on when the mind is persistently in a state of chronic worry.

Sometimes I just sit here and not know what to do. It is though I am paralysed, but mentally rather than physically. It is partly to do with indecision and partly to do with the fear of making a mistake and the anxiety over imperfection. This is particularly the case if my routine is disrupted. On Saturday mornings usually we stay at home. It is a time to devote myself to my interests such as the computer and this website and my artwork. I work on the computer in the morning and during the afternoon I paint or draw. But this Saturday we have to go into the city to do some shopping having been unable to do so during the week. I prefer to go during the week when it is quieter when there are fewer people around. Saturdays is hectic in any busy city or town and it is overwhelming and anxiety provoking but today this was unavoidable and most of the morning was spent pushing and shoving our way through the frantic throng of Christmas shoppers, most of whom seem hyper stressed and in a tearing hurry. I came home feeling disoriented and somehow incapacitated. I have to force myself up the stairs, my motivation low mostly because of indecision and confusion borne of a change in routine.

I have so many ideas bouncing about in my head concerning both my artwork and my website and find it difficult to make a decision which one to pursue, knowing that whatever I do at the end of the day I will wish I had done otherwise and I will feel as though I have wasted my time. I do not know if this is another facet of the misery of OCD or it is borne of the anxiety generated by OCD. But there is so much indecision, confusion, procrastination and apathy, which is most likely borne from the tumultuous state of my mind resulting from so many emotions, constant anxiety and sometimes outright fear. I feel myself becoming depressed which in turns saps my motivation still further. There is also an element of fear or at least anxiety, a concern about how I will feel later on if I do not do something constructive to make me feel as though my time is well spent.

I guess this situation it is all about my fear of death, of the fact that time is running out, of the emptiness that I feel and the lack of meaning or purpose to life and all the regrets for so many wasted years and the prospect of the continued waste of more years if I have more years to come. Lately as I get older I feel more anxious to ensure that my time is utilised and that I do the best I can despite the incapacitating nature of my illnesses. Yet this in itself has become an obsession with the consequent compulsion of always doing something deemed useful or constructive driven by the fear of the resulting depression if I fail to pursue to perfection one or another endeavour. The fear that I will mess up a painting or not get a drawing right or a piece of writing or other component of my website just so is considerable. It is the fear of an increase in my depression and anxiety, a decline of my self-confidence and increased feelings of failure. I do not exaggerate, if I examine my reaction to failure these emotions are the ones that present. It is all generated by my mind, I know this but still I cannot alter my feelings and reactions accordingly. I have no deadline except the ones I impose upon myself, I am not employed or have any kind of real commitment or need for getting my work perfect. My fear of imperfection arises from the feelings that such imperfection or procrastination and lack of activity will present. I am kind of caught in a no win situation: I am depressed it I give up and not make the attempt but if I do attempt an endeavour and it fails I am than also depressed . And of course to make matters worse often my mind will see imperfection or mistakes that others do not perceive as such. It is sad but I do nothing for sheer pleasure there has to be a purpose, a reason, without which any endeavour seems futile and a waste of time. I cannot just sit and draw anything, fiddle about, be relaxed not mind whether it looks like a dogs hind leg, when it is not supposed to that is. No it has to be just right or I do not get any satisfaction, only an increase in depression. I have to keep busy otherwise my mood sinks further, but after a while, like any other kind of OCD, and this I believe is behaviour of an OCD of sorts, more and more is required. I have to achieve more and it has to be better than before. I do try to rationalise my thoughts and behaviours but again as much as with any other kind of OCD thinking such thoughts generated in an attempt to rationalise the situation does not alter the intrusive thoughts or the obsessions which drive the compulsions, and notwithstanding such insight I cannot stand against them.

I am a crazy mixed up person and over the years my thoughts and behaviours have become more and more entrenched and it is only by writing them here that I have come to understand and develop a perspective and insight into my behaviours concerning this drive towards perfection and to be always achieving something to my satisfaction. My website gave purpose to my drawings and paintings, of which I did not do so many of until I had a chance to display them in the hope that by doing so it will encourage others to develop their talents and interests in order to provide some distraction from their OCD, without realising that my activities and so called distractions where indeed also part of my OCD.

But at least at the end of the day despite all the negative OCD type motivations there is something positive even though the stress of such causes anxiety and depression and has in itself become an obsessive compulsive behaviour. Unlike all the checking, hand washing and other more destructive obsessions and compulsions where in nothing is achieved, that is in any way positive, at least there is something at the end of the day whether it is all that rambling writing, checked over and over until I nearly go crazy, or my paintings or my clip art... Aaaggghhh! the anguish over that clip art, it took eighteen months to include it on my website and I do obsess over it so much that you would not believe. That time when the graphics would not save as a file that was easily opened was very stressful. I have learned to include my writing, art and so on regardless that it has not reached my standards of perfection and never will, particularly my writing as I often do not notice mistakes for weeks despite endless checking, but it is still a problem which gives rise to depression, procrastination ,endless checking and so on.

In an earlier entry I suggested that involving oneself intensively in an interest is an excellent distraction from our anxiety and indeed this still stands true despite all the obstacles I have described. However perhaps for those of us with OCD such occupations can be effected by our OCD as indeed can any facet of ones life. Nevertheless if you can work through these obstacles such activities as those mentioned can afford an excellent distraction.

OCD is a complex disorder it is by no means straightforward and to the untrained eye my life may seem as though I am making progress when in fact most if not all of what I do is motivated by fear, the fear of depression and increased anxiety. Yes even my search for some fulfilment and satisfaction becomes an obsession with the compulsive behaviours of constantly striving to accomplish something useful to avoid anxiety and depression, which is pretty much the motivation behind the more familiar obsessions and compulsions such as checking and washing. All of my compulsive behaviours are borne from obsessive thoughts, which if not mitigated by succumbing to the consequent compulsions will increase my anxiety and fear yes outright uncontrollable fear and depression.

So here I sit now writing this and feeling that I have failed to completely express this kind of torment, a torment less obvious and more insidious than the more overt obsessions and compulsions such as hand washing or checking. I cannot enjoy my life even if I was not always stressing about contamination or checking or ruminating or whatever. I am constantly analysing every move I make trying to make something worthwhile of my life and this has now in itself become an obsession that is much as harmful as its more obvious and more common counterparts.

December 17th

I am hoping to write an article for this website about agoraphobia and during my research I came across this incredible website packed with information concerning agoraphobia and panic attacks.  This website is well worth a visit as there is much information, some of which could just as easily be useful for anyone with any kind of anxiety disorder.

Agoraphobia Articles - Your Source of Informative Articles on Agoraphobia

I would like to concentrate more on other anxiety disorders in the coming year as of course this website site is not only about OCD.

If you are sufferer of agoraphobia or panic disorder, often the two go together, and you would like to share your experiences I would be pleased to publish them.  In fact I would very much like to hear from sufferers of all anxiety disorders, and I invite you to please  share your experiences with others. The more we do this the better understanding there will be for all of us who suffer in this way. 

Anxiety disorders are still not really understood or accepted as the incapacitating illnesses that they are and often we receive little understanding or help from society in general or even at times from the medical profession. It is surprising that there are doctors even today that really do not understand the true nature of this kind of mental health problem, how disabling it is or how we suffer continually from the effects of our respective disorders or the negative impact our suffering has upon our entire lives.

December 19th

I cannot believe what I am seeing, there is a council worker hacking at the pavement with a hammer and chisel, bits of chipped pavement flying in all directions. He wears no protection, no goggles to prevent shards or even tiny pieces of concrete from getting into his eyes. I feel the compulsion to advice him to wear protective goggles but I resist as I guess my social ineptitude makes this difficult and it will all come out wrong and I shall be met with the usual stare of disbelief that such comments invariably bring. I hurry on ahead, I really cannot be responsible for everyone.

I am reminded of the article included in an earlier entry, the subject of which was the implication that anxiety disorders and  neuroses, particualry OCD are in a way a survival mechanism and that those who are neurotic are more likely to survive risk to their life or health. This incidence is a case in point, a typical action undertaken without any careful thought: this person is not prone to catastrophizing, the thought that he could damage his eyes, lose his sight does not occur to him. He would also most likely loose his job, he certainly could make no claim for injury.  Sometimes... well most of the time I come over as neurotic, by my actions and my mannerisms I am perceived immediately as over cautious, over anxious, with a tendency to view the dangerous aspect of what appears to most to be a common innocuous activity even by those who do not know me.  What makes some people neurotic in such a way that it seems innate, as though it comes naturally. Why is that I perceive the danger in any circumstance while others seem oblivious, surely one would not endanger their eyesight simply because one could not be bothered to take the necessary precautions, is it that such people simply do not perceive danger.

I often asked myself what really is normal, surely the actions which often appear excessive or over the top, neurotic, are nevertheless in some way more in keeping with the reality of the situation. However too much catastrophizing and seeing the dangerous outcomes in any situation does make one too anxious and nervous to fully participate in life and a more middle of the road approach is perhaps needed. For instance ones life can be marred if you are too afraid to go out after dark or too nervous to venture from your home at all, or you are too scared to fly should the plain crash, or even too nervous to drive because you imagine that an accident could happen. Yes it could. that is the reality of the situation. Yes the plane you are travelling on the that dream holiday could crash but most people for the most part do not consider these occurrences, if they do such thoughts are fleeting, they do not gnaw away at you for days previous to a flight or they do not stop you travelling or going out or whatever it is you fear. But for most of us with an anxiety disorder we are forever mindful of danger to such a degree we can perceive danger for almost every action we undertake. Consider the following which are only a few of many anxiety induced scenarios.

I am in a furniture department store it is closed in, no windows. I think of the possibility of a fire, I do not know the way out, the place is like a maze. I become anxious and hurry through keen to leave. Yet I imagine few others give this possibilty any serious thought as they dawdle through the store.

The train stops on the underground between stations, I panic, a cold sweat of fear rises from my stomach, my heart thumps, I imagine a train careering down the same track on a head on collision course. I look up the other passengers are unperturbed, few look up from their newspapers.

It is a cold frostily morning my neighbour sprays the frost on his windscreen with de-icer. the spray is everywhere in the air, he breathes it into his lungs, it is all over his cloths he is oblivious that it is toxic. There is a symbol of a skull and cross bones on the tin. He probably has never noticed this. We do not use de-icer, my husband scrapes the ice off the windscreen. I imagine the stuff in my lungs poisoning my system, it fills the air, poisons the air if it is on my cloths it will poison other people if they come in contact with my cloths even indirectly such as if I sit in a seat others will occupy.

I am travelling in the car through the Tyne tunnel, I panic become hysterical almost. I see the fans in the roof taking away the carbon monoxide. I imagine the gallons and gallons of water over head ( the Tyne tunnel runs under a river). I imagine being trapped. The traffic slows, down I am now virtually screaming, I feel like a rat in a trap, there is no escape.   I have never since been through the Tyne tunnel. Countless people make this trip every day without giving it a thought.

Cars converge onto the motorway from the slip roads, my heart is in my mouth, my throat forms in to a tight knot, a clutch of fear makes me hold my breath. In my minds eye I see a collision and yes indeed there are often some narrow escapes and for some there are indeed accidents, these slip roads scare the hell out of me. Yet few notice, most, take them in their stride in fact so much so that it appears to me that people are oblivious of the dangers. And this is my whole point: why are most  people seemingly oblivious to such possibilities.

Most of these examples really do not relate to OCD, some have a more realistic fear attached to them albeit an exaggerated one, at least in comparison to that of  normal people or the vast majority who seem oblivious to possible danger.  What makes us more aware of threats to our safety. Most people who suffer with an anxiety disorder are more aware of danger in general than the average person and this awareness is in addtion to their own disorder, such as agoraphobia or OCD. Most anxiety disorder sufferers are generally more anxious of situations which others take in their stride. Is this just an extension of our anxiety why are we perhaps more aware of the dangerous possibilities that may arise in any situation than most other people. Yes it is a good survival tool but it sure makes your life miserable and anxiety ridden.

However having said that a little anxiety and increased caution would not come amiss, there would be fewer accidents on the roads to name an obvious advantage. Perhaps men and indeed women would be less inclined to go to war if they aware perhaps more aware of danger and their own mortality, can you imagine any self respecting neurotic going to war. Yes indeed perhaps a little neurosis is after all a survival mechanism even though for people like me it has got out of control.

December 20th

It is my son's birthday we are supposed to be going to the cinema and afterwards for a meal. I have a headache one of the most severe of tension headaches I have had in a long time. Last night I had migraine, after taking my medication it was alleviated with a residue of tension headache remaining. An hour or so later my tension headache got worse I became frightened and that awful numbness and tingling down one side set in.  I have had a hell of a night, the factory in the village was making a noise all night, that dreadful low frequency hum that drives me crazy even under the best of circumstances.  Now this morning as I sit here the headache is just terrible and I can hardly cope. You might wonder how on earth I can sit here writing. The pain is in fact much much worse if I do not do something, it I lie down the pain becomes much worse, it is only 5.30 it will be a long day of headache misery and guilt... today of all days...  I feel I will have to let my son down. Mostly with these tension headaches I can just about manage yes even to go to the cinema but not this time, this one is a real humdinger of a headache as my doctor once described them. 

My son has no friends, people with Aspergers syndrome generally have few if any friends. He will receive few if any birthday cards from anyone other than my husband and I. Today we wanted to make the best of it for him and now of all days to get a headache of such severity. I wonder why me, don't we all.  What have I ever done. Is it not enough that I have had my life blighted by OCD  and now this nightmare of headaches. It is Christmas again, it was Christine fifteen years ago when my occasional migraines and tension headaches become more frequent. I now have the minimum of two migraines each week I have had three this week since Sunday. I have not had an entire twenty four hour headache free period since Christmas of 1991 and I am sick sick sick of it.

I would at least try and get out for our meal but where we go to our local pub it is noisy... well of course it is, it is noisy everywhere. Where can you go that is not noisy. Hell not even the hospital. Yes there is the blare of a TV in a hospital waiting room. On Monday I went with my husband who has routine checkups for his hearing he having lost an ear drum as a child. The noise was just awful, the lighting so bright, the heating so hot, stifling. We waited for nearly an hour. I had a very bad headache not as severe or as unmanageable as today but bad enough. So overwhelmed by all the sensory stuff I had to wait in the car and guess what you will never believe this, I nearly went crazy as there was a low frequency hum in the car park. There is no sanctuary for those of us sensitive to noise, bright light, and over the top stifling heat. You would not think that there was an energy crisis now would you, everywhere you go it is so over heated!!!!. No I dare not even go for a meal there is no where we can go that is peaceful where one can have a quiet meal, just to talk and feel relaxed.

There I had to get that off my chest, right now I am so overwhelmed by illness, in one way or another life has become one long misery of pain and mental torment and the anticipation of more of the same in increasing frequency.

Whilst in the throes of my headaches first thing this morning when I did not know quite what to do with myself I surfed the net.  Yes I know headaches and computers don't mix, at least that is what they tell you whoever they are, but of course that is not necessarily the case for everyone, we are all different. This computer has saved me from sinking into a mire of despair and as long as I do not become too intensely involved during a severe headache working on the computer will not make my headache worse. Except of course if I have an out burst of my volatile temper as could happen just about now as I look up from my typing to notice that yet again I have typed everything with caps lock on. It is 6.15 and I have to refrain from doing so. Incidentally why oh why is "I" capitalised this is why I forget to turn off caps lock having to capitalise I. Yes I should use the shift key but I have always used caps lock and... well you know about old habits dying hard, of course you do after all OCD is kind of a habit thing is it not. Anyway I digress. What I was about to say is that I came across this lighter less negative website  and blog that should mitate some of my misery for you.  A more humorous perspective. Sadly I do not have a sense of humour at least not one that is shared or appreciated by everyone .

Anyway visit this website and blog for a more positive perspective

Wiping the crazy off my face

There are also six new photographs for you to download as desk top wallpaper or for any other use; four of OCD sufferer's Luis Lionel Lopez' favourite quotations and some more of my clipart of a dubious and most certainly imperfect nature. I have divided my clip art into three sections: Sheep, flowers and plants and patchwork. The patchwork consists of clip art graphics created from my sister's patchwork and will make decorative clip art for stationary etc for patchwork enthusiasts or indeed anyone. There are new inclusions in all three sections.  You will find direct links to all the above on the home page under New Pages.

Luis an OCD pen pal of mine has sent to me the link below which may be of interest to those of you who suffer with OCD and migraine.
Daily Times - Leading News Resource of Pakistan - HEALTH: Mysteries of the brain